I’ve been busy learning again. It has been a continuous struggle to figure out how to get better at riding horses without compromising on how I want to be in relation to horses. I don’t force a horse to move anymore. It’s so counter to what I’m trying to do in the world that it’s pointless to me if the horse moved because I threatened them. For lesson horses, this sometimes means we’re stuck standing still with an instructor saying words like “don’t let him win.” Words like that unfortunately make me feel things that aren’t conducive to moving with a horse, so we stay stuck and angsty together. I’m at least getting practice in figuring out how to tune unhelpful things out instead of being affected by it. From the outside it looks like I don’t understand the instructions, or don’t have the willpower to implement them. From the inside I’m trying to get back to an inner calm so I can feel for an opening and recognize when the horse offers it. The opening always occurs eventually, even if it’s only wide enough for the horse to shift weight from one foot to the other. It is a door into conversation, and I try to guide us through. I’m still in the process of learning where that conversation goes.
There is a similar opening that happens when someone witnesses something else happening, besides the “ask, tell, demand” that is drilled into most equestrians from the time they first get on a horse. Some small crack occurs when they aren’t told another way verbally, but see it presented in a non-threatening, indirect context. When it has nothing to do with them. When they observe from a safe distance and make their own way over to ask about it. A little opening for a conversation to begin. I’m still learning the nuances of this conversation as well. Humans dislike feeling forced about as much as horses do.
Maeve Birch Home 