We are paused in the doorway again, the tall nervous horse and I. I’ve pulled him through this opening before. Not this time. He widens his eyes and holds his breath, waiting for something to happen, since things always seem to happen in doorways. Instead, we wait.
It’s seen as a sign of weakness, me walking to the end of the lead rope, asking him to follow, but stopping myself at the end of it and peering back at him without having tugged at the rope. I have instead let it slip through my fingers unimpeded. I’m tethered to him, he isn’t tethered to me here. I’m not the one struggling right now. He looks at me, stretching his neck forward as far as it will go, despite the lack of tension on the halter. “I am trying.” He says with his body, “Look, I am indeed trying.” His feet stay planted in the arena.
I walk back to him, and he mushes his sandy nose into my hair and breathes. He blinks. And breathes. We stand in the doorway together.
After a while I feel a small opening of opportunity. “Ok to go?” I ask.
“Not yet!” His wide eyes insist. His neck tenses, head high. “I’m not ready yet!”
I relax and let the idea float away. “Yes, we’ll wait.”
He sighs and his head lowers an inch.
When he tries to distract himself by playing with the dressage whips and brushes beside the doorway, I guide his face back to the entryway. We are solving a problem, and that requires doing nothing. Focus on me, on the idea that nothing is happening. It’s just a place. No events need to occur in this place right now.
More waiting.
Finally, another opening. This time he drops his head to the ground and sniffs his way through the doorway. He follows the scent of other horses who have crossed the threshold, perhaps comforted by their ability to pass through. When he walks it’s calm and quiet. I walk with him, the lead rope still hanging slack between us. Don’t mistake this for weakness. Do not. I am giving space enough for a horse to find his own strength and dignity. This is what I want to give to the world. This space, at his speed. Small victories.
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