I would like to return these phrases, I don’t want them anymore:
Get after him
Show her who’s boss
Don’t let her get away with it
He’s testing you
Give him a little ‘encouragement’
Give her a tap/kick
Be the leader
Don’t let him dominate you
Ask, tell, demand
Make her work
He’s trying to pull one over on you
She’s faking it to get out of work
He doesn’t respect you
I don’t mean that horses never need someone to help guide them through a situation, or never need to listen when a human is talking. I mean that the assumption of conflict is too prevalent. The assumption of ill will. What does the anticipation of conflict do to our bodies on a horse? In mine it tenses me, rushes me. When I read “disrespect” or “wanting to dominate me” into a horse’s response it becomes a personal affront. Suddenly it’s about me, not the horse. Either I’m offended by their lack of respect, or I worry that I’m not good enough for it. Both responses spin my brain inward, taking me mentally off balance. Neither benefits the relation with the horse, any more than it would benefit the relation with a human. Why do we teach this with horses, then claim that working with horses in this way will help form better human leaders? Nothing screams insecurity more than a chronically defensive leader. There are plenty of those around, but the best leaders I’ve found are the ones who listen to their team, sincerely consider their input, ask clarifying questions, then make a decision and hold boundaries about it after a conclusion has been reached. What language we use to describe horse/human teamwork matters, especially when claiming to teach leadership through interactions with horses.
You can find my book, Standing in a Field With Horses: A Memoir of Equine Connection, in paperback or Kindle format on Amazon, or alternatively in eBook form on Smashwords. If you would like blog posts sent to your inbox, sign up for the Maeve Birch mailing list on the main page of my website!
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